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Author Topic: Yesterday was the Ides of March  (Read 416 times)

Online Michael Bush

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Yesterday was the Ides of March
« on: March 16, 2023, 08:13:19 am »
Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says. The Bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a martini?" "Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"

What do you get if you cross 27 knives and a pizza?
Little Caesars.

The killing of Julius Caesar is a perfect example of group project. 60 dudes agreed to kill Caesar
But there were only 23 stab wounds

Sometimes I envy Julius Caesar...
He died surrounded by all of his friends.

What were Julius Caesar's dying words?
name... a salad.... after me...ahhh

One day in August, Julius Caesar was standing on the balcony in his palace, watching the leaves drop silently from the trees.
He was witnessing?.The Fall of the Roman Empire.

Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus are at the airport
Brutus: ?Which is our boarding gate Caesar??
Caesar: ?A-2 Brutus?
Brutus: ?And what time is the flight Caesar??
Caesar: ?8:02 Brutus?
Brutus: ?By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar??
Caesar: ?Ate two Brutus?
Brutus: ?This is an unusual paper size for a ticket. What size is it Caesar??
Caesar: ?A2 Brutus?
Brutus (Thinking to himself): ?This man is really getting on my nerves. One of these days I?m going to have to kill him?

Julius Caesar famously had a quick nap before crossing the Rubicon
the rest is history

Julius Caesar and Brutus Walk Into a Movie Theater
Brutus looks at Caesar and says "Caesar, we should watch the movie sequel with the scary clown in it!"
Caesar ponders what Brutus is saying for a moment. "It Two, Brute?"

Julius Caesar sashays into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"

Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn?t speak English.

The assassination of Julius Caesar
Caesar was famously killed on the Ides of March, but he wasn't expecting the attack until August 2. His final words embodied his dismay over the scheduling confusion:
"8/2, Brute..."

Not everyone thinks that Cleopatra is beautiful...
... but that's the way Julius Caesar.

One day, Julius Caesar was in the marketplace with a friend, looking for a celebratory item after coming back from a successful campaign. He was looking towards a bust of his face, carved in marble.
But that was when his friend said: "Hey! Don't get a head of yourself!"

The Ancient Romans were debating how to count things
Their city state was already hundreds of years old, and their Republic was barrelling down the pathway to Empire: but they still hadn't decided fully how to count things.
The Senate was a blaze of fury as populares and optimates rowed over the proper way to measure and record all things numerical going forward. Marcus Bibulus, ever the conservative, was shouting that they should stick to the Etruscan symbols they've been using for years, the symbols on which Rome was founded!
Cicero retorted that these were too complex and unwieldy; he proposed instead to copy the Arabic numerals - a mind well ahead of his time.
The furore was at a fever pitch and the squabbling politicians were at each other's throats when a simple cough hushed the room at once. Julius Caesar, renowned orator, had cleared his throat. Everyone would listen to Caesar. He clearly had a solution as his eyes twinkled and calmly glanced around the room. He began to speak:
"Well, I for one..."

Guy goes to a psychiatrist for 3 months
Success! You?re cured says the psychiatrist!!!
Why the depressed face?
The guy responds...
3 months ago I was Julius Caesar, Today I?m a nobody...
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