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Author Topic: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂  (Read 2500 times)

Offline FloridaGardener

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #40 on: November 07, 2020, 05:45:55 pm »
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Offline salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #41 on: November 07, 2020, 09:32:43 pm »
Hi Folks,

Give a man a duck,... and he^ll live for a day.

Teach a man to duck,... and he won^t walk into bars!


Salvo

Offline sawdstmakr

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #42 on: November 08, 2020, 07:16:57 am »

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.

Offline salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #43 on: November 10, 2020, 11:19:35 pm »
Hi Folks,

What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

Well. A hippo is a great big heavy animal.

A zippo is a little lighter.

Sal
Salvo

Offline salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #44 on: November 14, 2020, 08:18:38 am »
Hi Folks,

All right. You've seen the hippo/zippo....

Well riddle me this!

What is the difference between light and hard?

Sal
Salvo

Offline Michael Bush

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #45 on: November 16, 2020, 02:48:23 pm »
What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder.
The other one is a fish.
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
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"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin

Online iddee

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #46 on: November 16, 2020, 06:54:25 pm »
Biden asked a 10 y/o boy if he wanted to talk about the presidency. The boy replied, I have a question for you. If a goat, a cow, and a horse eat the same grass from the same pasture, why does a cow feces make a patty, a horse feces the size of apples, and the goat feces like beans?
Biden said he really didn't know that one.

The boy then asked, "How do you expect to run the greatest country the world has ever known, if you don't know crap?
« Last Edit: November 16, 2020, 07:32:03 pm by sawdstmakr »
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #47 on: November 17, 2020, 04:59:28 am »
Hi Folks,

You can keep a light on all night.

Sal
Salvo

Offline Bob Wilson

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #48 on: November 22, 2020, 12:34:40 am »
Do you know why you never hear about a lawyer getting a snake bite?
Professional courtesy.

Offline Bob Wilson

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #49 on: November 22, 2020, 12:40:33 am »
A pastor was visiting an elderly lady, and sitting near the coffee table, he saw a bowl of peanuts. Perhaps he should have asked, but when she stepped away for a moment, he took a handful and munched away. After she returned, he confessed what he did and said he hoped it was OK. "Well," she replied, "you can if you want to. I've already sucked all the chocolate off them."

Offline salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #50 on: December 01, 2020, 09:01:57 am »
HI folks,

The grumpy Navy Master Chief saw a new face and shouted at him "Come here! What's your name, sailor?" "James" the new seaman answered. "Listen carefully sailor, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by his first name" the chief scowled. "It's their last names only; Carter, Davidson, Cooper, Jackson, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Master Chief'. Do I make myself clear?" "Aye, Aye, Master Chief!" "Now, what's your last name?" The sailor sighed. "Darling, My name is James Darling, Master Chief". "Okay, James, here's what I want you to do"...


Sal
Salvo

Offline salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #51 on: January 02, 2021, 08:17:02 am »
Hi Folks,

I don't know where this goes! Big Lies? Covid? But I finally realized IT'S A JOKE!

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Sal
Salvo

Offline Bob Wilson

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #52 on: January 02, 2021, 11:04:48 am »
Dr. Evil is behind the cornavirus? It all makes perfect sense now!

Offline Michael Bush

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #53 on: January 02, 2021, 02:07:35 pm »
This vaccine is the first ever mRNA vaccine to be used on humans.  Ever.  Nothing to see here...

http://republicbroadcasting.org/news/dr-wakefield-warns-this-is-not-a-vax-it-is-irreversible-genetic-modification/
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
-------------------
"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin

Offline salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #54 on: January 16, 2021, 09:51:27 pm »
Hi Folks,

Something for the sick and the shut-ins:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this.)

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)

Sal
Salvo

Offline Bob Wilson

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #55 on: January 20, 2021, 09:20:38 am »
There was a news story a while ago out of China, in which some cows had been allowed to wander into a house, and took some some small decorative items off a coffee table. Later, out in the rice field, they argued about the stolen articles, and one cow struck and killed the other one.
It was the first confirmed case of a knickknack patty whack.