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Author Topic: new diet  (Read 351 times)

Offline GSF

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new diet
« on: January 09, 2017, 08:27:02 pm »
(This may have been through here before)

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco,
the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs.

I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. 
What did she think I had.. an elephant?

So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I
didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works
is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete, so it
works well and I was going to try it again.

(Now I have to mention here that practically
 everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so

Costco won't let me shop there anymore
When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you - then you know your nation is doomed.

Offline gww

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Re: new diet
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2017, 10:49:17 pm »
These two blonds were walking in the wood when they come upon a track.  The first blond said "thats a racoon track".  The other blond said "no thats a deer track".  The first blond said "no, thats a racoon track".  Then the train hit them.

I actually laughed out loud at your gsf.

Offline stanisr

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Re: new diet
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2017, 08:30:09 pm »

Offline sawdstmakr

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Re: new diet
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2017, 10:44:27 pm »
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."--Mark Twain