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Author Topic: It's Australia Day today  (Read 722 times)

Online Michael Bush

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It's Australia Day today
« on: January 26, 2023, 09:41:14 am »
When is a bear not a bear?
When he doesn't have the right koalifications.

Why did the wombat decide to cross over the road?
To see his flatmate

An Aussie walks into the bar the other night wearing one thong (flip flop). One patron asks him "What happened mate? Did you lose a thong?" the guy replies, "Nah mate, I found one!".

I met a bloke from Australia who worked in I.T
I asked him "Do you come from a LAN down under?"

I just watched an Aussie cooking show and the audience cheered when the chef made meringue.
I was surprised... Usually Aussies boo meringue.

An Aussie bloke Damian walks into the hardware store and says "I'd like some nails please mate".
The store clerk replies "how long would you like them?"
"Forever if that is ok with you" replies Damian.

A British lady was passing through immigration into Australia, they said "Do you have a criminal record?" She replied "I didn't realise that it was still a requirement".

What do ya call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato!

My Australian chess partner moved to Prague.
Now he?s my Czech mate.

What do you call an Australian in space?
An Austronaut

What did an Australian philosopher say to the German philosopher?
Oi Kant

What did the Australian say to the guy on his deathbed?
"Have a good die."

    An Australian is aboard the wrong airplane
    The flight attendant approaches them and says ?I?m so sorry. I?m not sure how this mix-up happened but this plane is arriving in an entirely different country than your intended destination.?
    The Australian says ?No way.?
    The flight attendant replies ?Sweden, actually.?

Why do Australians laugh at flightless birds?
They find them Emu-sing

A man from the US is the in an Australian hospital.
He looks at the nurse and says, "Did I come here to die?"
The nurse turns and replies, "No, you came here yestaday"
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
-------------------
"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin

Online Michael Bush

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Re: It's Australia Day today
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2023, 06:28:48 am »
All of these Australians on here and no comments or new jokes...
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
-------------------
"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: It's Australia Day today
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2023, 07:18:41 am »
Geoff is. missed. He could come up with some good ones..  :grin:
2 Chronicles 7:14
14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Online Michael Bush

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Re: It's Australia Day today
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2023, 07:36:56 am »
True.  Here's one of Geoff's:

Two Aussies were out hunting in the outback and came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.

The first said, "Wow, that's some hole.  I can't even see the bottom.I wonder how deep it is."

The second said, "There's an old gear box over there. Let's throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

So, they picked up the gear box, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three, and heaved it in.

As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat come crashing through the underbrush, ran up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.

While they were standing there staring at each other in amazement, they peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about.

Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "Say, you fellers didn't happen to see my goat?"

The first hunter said, "Funny you should ask.  We were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible!  I had him well chained to an old gear box."
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
-------------------
"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin

Offline The15thMember

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Re: It's Australia Day today
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2023, 01:19:12 pm »
True.  Here's one of Geoff's:

Two Aussies were out hunting in the outback and came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.

The first said, "Wow, that's some hole.  I can't even see the bottom.I wonder how deep it is."

The second said, "There's an old gear box over there. Let's throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

So, they picked up the gear box, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three, and heaved it in.

As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat come crashing through the underbrush, ran up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.

While they were standing there staring at each other in amazement, they peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about.

Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "Say, you fellers didn't happen to see my goat?"

The first hunter said, "Funny you should ask.  We were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible!  I had him well chained to an old gear box."
:cheesy:  This is still the funniest joke on this whole website. 
I come from under the hill, and under the hills and over the hills my paths led.  And through the air, I am she that walks unseen.

Online Michael Bush

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Re: It's Australia Day today
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2023, 01:37:01 pm »
I was on some ramparts north of Istanbul on the Bosporus and there was a hole just like this.  About 12 feet or so across, black as night and you couldn't see the bottom.  No railing, of course.  I think of it every time I hear this joke.
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
-------------------
"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: It's Australia Day today
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2023, 03:38:58 pm »
One of my favorites of all time as well Member.
I recently placed a short video of Geoff, Beemaster1 (John Clayton the founder of Beemaster Forums), with Bud1 the camera man and narrator,  in the Administration Section under the announcement of the loss of both Bud1 and Geoff.
They were meeting at an Airport, I presume in Meridian or Jackson, Ms. They were excited and cutting up with one another proceeding one of the upcoming Bud Events. Geoff had sent the video to me a few years ago. I was not sure who the others were. Thanks to KathyP for confirming the identity of each.

Phillip
2 Chronicles 7:14
14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.