Romantic Advice

[animal]

Often, it's all in how you broach the subject. Its a man's job to take care of unwanted critters , after all.

Simply explain that you sometimes leave a weed standing to warn her where you saw a snake.

Also, rather than pointing out something she missed, tell her you killed the spiders so now "she can do her job". No further details are needed. She knows what she missed.
If she acts a little confused, she's just playing a little game so say, "you know what you missed". She'll appreciate your cleverness when you see through her playfulness.

[Ben Framed]

Simply explain that you sometimes leave a weed standing to warn her where you saw a snake.

Now that is funny! I like your approach of view of the matter! I busted out laughing when I read that line! 

[animal]

Women love to feel powerful (they're cute that way, like a little kitten all bowed up and trying to hiss, but I digress).

Anyway, when that special time comes, mention how werewolves are also tied to a 28 day cycle and how fearsome they are.

You can also add another dimension to the discussion by mentioning the origin of the word "lunacy".

[salvo]

Hi Fooks,


Saul

[animal]

Men, if you're finding it hard to satisfy your wife, calling in a professional with (shall we say specialized skills?) will often help.

I have well over 30 years experience personally and can call in additional professionals if needed. Bragging aside, I have nearly a 100 percent success rate. While not cheap, you'll find my prices reasonable, and satisfaction is always guaranteed.

So why not opt for the sure way to make your wife happy and give me a call ? ....
And have your Kitchen and bathrooms remodeled today !

[Terri Yaki]

Aye carumba!

[animal]

Dunno if that violated the advertising policy of the site or not, but was just being honest....

In a lifelong quest to learn how to satisfy a woman ... the best I've found, within my abilities anyway, is remodel the kitchen. 

[Terri Yaki]

I find that letting them shovel the driveway when it snows relaxes them.

[salvo]

Terri! OMG! Sam Ting!

Too little snow for the snow blower? I'll drive over it. Wife says: *Hakina Matata. I'll go get it. I'm hot anyway*.

Plenty of snow? *I'll just get in front of the doors and the garage (26 foot wide), enough so you can maneuver*.

She actually picked out her own shovels years ago. Silicone spray for sticky stuff. *Leave 'em out in the cold, and DRY!*

It's the little things that count and keep us together. That and the fact that after about two months of marriage she was driving by and CAUGHT me TALKING to an old GF. She ran me over with her car, got out and screamed at me, wounded and bleeding under the car. *If you ever do something like that again,... I'll scald you to death when you're sleeping!*

Gotta love a passionate woman like that.

Sal

[animal]

Yo Sal !
My wife is different, LOL
 
Back before wife and I got married, we went to a party some friends of mine were throwing. I wasn't gonna go because I was a little afraid future wifey wouldn't fit in. Lotsa bikers, some somewhat rough around the edges types, and a few that were all rough edges. In short, good fun people. She was like "no, we're gonna go. I'm not going to have you give up your friends over me." What a saint, right?

Anyway, great party out in the county, 150 or so people, lotsa loud Harleys, a few hotrods, a few kegs, innumerable bottles, loud music, fireworks, guns , explosives, occasional partial nudity, other entertainment best not mentioned, you probably get the picture.

So, future wifey hit it off with one of my friend's wives that didn't really approve of the whole thing either .. and made a friend. I went mingling while they were talking girl stuff and at one point got cornered by a biker chick that apparently took a liking to me.
Among other things, she was full of double entendre and had a huge dill pickle in her hand, not exactly eating it but I won't go into that. Mostly I just pretended I didn't understand what she was getting at and was trying my best to get away. She was rather persistent so it seemed like forever before I finally got away from the sticky creature, saw my future wife, and made a bee line to the safety of her company.

She and her friend were laughing their butts off. Come to find out, her friend had seen the girl talking to me and "warned" her that one of the biker chicks was after "her man". My wife's reaction was "Cool. I'm bored and this ought to be fun." Her friend was expecting confrontation and putting the chick in her place .... but NO ! .... she takes a position where she could watch the whole thing. Friend says something like "aren't you gonna do something?" She says "nope, this'll be better."
 
So the whole time they were laughing at me trying to squirm away and at biker chick's antics getting shot down.

It's nice that she trusts me, but dang ! she was enjoying me suffer ! 

And said that I deserved it for taking her to the party !

SHE was the one that insisted on going ! 

[animal]

If your wife doesn't appreciate toilet humor, don't try to win her over to it by sending her the meme of Jeffery Dahmer dumping his boyfriend.

The effort will fail in a most spectacular way.

I know this sounds odd, but experience doesn't lie.