Peaches

[Michael Bush]

Did you hear the joke about our Peach Melba? It was PIT-iful

My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears.
So he handed me another one.

I get so mad when people sneak up behind me and yell, "LET'S CAN SOME PEACHES !!!"
It's really jarring

    An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.
    Right at the back of the farm, there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.
    One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn?t been down there for a while.
    Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he?ll bring back some peaches.
    As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly, someone is having a good time.
    As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond.
    He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately they all swim over to the far end.
    One of the women then shouts, ?We?re not coming out until you leave mister!?
    The farmer replies, ?Ladies, I didn?t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.?
    The wily old-timer then holds up his bucket and says, ?I just came down here to feed the alligators!?

    A preacher went to visit a member of the community and invited him to come to church Sunday morning. It seems that this man was a producer of fine peach brandy, and told the preacher that he would attend his church if the pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front of his congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up.
    Sunday morning the man visited the church. The preacher recognized the man from the pulpit and said:  ?I see Mr. Johnson is here with us this morning. I want to thank him publicly for his hospitality this week and especially for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they were given.?

What do eggplants, zucchini and cucumber all have in common ?
none of them looks like a peach

The guilt from stealing and eating a whole peach is getting to me
It's like theres a pit in my stomach

Why did Bowser trap the Princess in ice?
He was expressing his right to freeze Peach.

Why does princess peach keep toad around?
Because he's a "fun-gi"

Why was the peach late to work?
He had to make a pit stop on the way there.