Running out of Ammo

[animal]

So, it occurred to me that since only drones and queens are able to reproduce, they are the only fully developed bees ... and "bee" should refer mainly to them. This leaves all the other bees without a single-word to refer to them.
My vote is for "beelet".
Because they fly the way I imagine pigs would fly ... if pigs had wings.
and .. when you walk around the hive and they're bouncing off of you ... You can say, "I feel beelet proof."

On the "serious" side ... As a newbie beekeeper, I've been torturing the wife and daughters with bad bee "jokes" .. bad puns .. anything with "bee", "honey", etc. ... (as per the above example)
Shamefully, I am running out of "ammo" and hoping you all can help...
The worse the better ...
But good ones would be nice too.

[salvo]

YO! Animal,

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story:

Hi Folks,

The entire aspect of these little bugs is so interesting that it?s difficult to tell a ?short story? about them. I?ll try, though. Please bear with me. I will be using some beekeeping jargon. Some of it may not appear to be appropriately P.C., but I assure you, this is all real. It would be so much more fun if I could stand in front of you to tell my story,? but I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it. Those of you with easily bruised sensibilities, however, should just stop here. Some people just can?t stand knowing someone else is having fun.

A popular theme today is that of a Female dominant utopia. The honey bee lives in just such a world. There are three kinds of honey bees you find within the hive ? The Queen (the fecund female), the Worker (cis-gender female, non fertile), and the Drone (cis-gender male, fertile for a drone). Honey bees know the difference between to two genders.

The Queen, the fertile female, is singularly important. She makes the babies. All the workers are female. These workers do EVERYTHING, except procreate. They clean the hive. They feed the baby bees, the brood. They care for, feed and keep clean the Queen. They exude wax from their own little bodies and use that wax to make comb for the hive. They are willing to die when they sting to protect and defend the hive. They go into the fields to collect pollen and nectar for the hive. They feed the drones. They work until they die. One day, when they are only about six or seven weeks old, they fly out of the hive to do their job,? and they just don?t come back. Their little wings just can?t carry them home any more. Drones, the males of this utopia, do nothing at all but beg for food from the females. They have no loyalties to any one hive, they don?t protect anything, and their only purpose is to copulate with Virgin Queens.

Although the honey bee queen is thought by many to be the most important member of her colony, honey bee workers sometimes determine when their colony is in need of a new queen. This occurs due to space constrictions, poor performance associated with age and/or the unexpected death of the queen.

Honey bees are Eusocial, considered super-organisms (the colony itself functions like a single organism). Bees within a colony work together to perform colony level tasks, just as the cells in a human body work together to build and maintain a functional person. Each one of my hives is like one individual animal.

Today?s subject is The Virgin Queen!

[/i]

Which came first, the Queen or the egg? Eggs are laid (generally but not necessarily) by a Fertile Queen Bee. After three days each egg becomes a larva. All larvae are then fed Royal Jelly for the first three days. Royal jelly is a protein-rich excretion from glands of worker bees. Think of it as a honey bee?s version of mother?s milk. While all larvae are fed royal jelly for the first three days of life, the very few larvae chosen by the worker bees to maybe become Queens are bathed in and fed Royal Jelly in special, elongated ?queen cells? throughout their development. After the larval stage is complete and the virgin queen bee emerges, she is continually fed Royal Jelly throughout her life. Worker and drone larvae are fed on nectar or honey and pollen. Adult worker and drone bees consume nectar when available, honey when nectar is not available.

About sixteen days after the egg destined to become The Queen was first laid, this Virgin Queen emerges from her cell. Sometimes her very first job is to kill any other potential challengers; an ?old queen?, any new virgin queens or any virgin queens still in their cells. There is only One Queen Bee in any hive. Our Virgin Queen, now with her followers, may rip open queen cells and sting the occupant to death. Should another queen be walking around inside the hive, they might fight to the death of one of them.  This demonstrates to her subjects her suitability to be ?Their Queen?.

About three to five days after emerging, on a sunny day with low wind, the new Virgin Queen will take her ?Nuptial Flight?. She will find a ?drone congregation area?, a ?DCA? ? a place high in the air, where male (drone) bees from many hives hang out just waiting for The Virgins to fly by. Over possibly several days she will mate with as many as 25 drones in mid-air, gathering as much genetic material as she will need for her entire life (up to six million sperm!).

A drone can only mate once! After the copulation the Queen rips of the drone?s endophallus (his dooey), tosses his dying body to the ground, and makes way for the next drone. This can happen twenty-five times, more or less, until she?s satisfied! This is serious stuff! Oh! She keeps the dooies!
As this is going on, back at the hive, her bees are Nasonoving, raising their abdomens and fanning their wings. This is done to blow a plume of pheromone out into the air to guide their beautiful Queen home after? you know what. They?re cheering her on.
Well, the now Fertile Queen comes home, a little tired, but glowing, and demonstrates her success by showing all those dooies to her loyal subjects. Long Live the Queen!

After a restful few days, our Queen begins her life?s work, laying eggs for the future of the hive. Her main role is ?reproducer in chief.? She will control the size of the hive, laying more eggs in preparation for Spring and Summer, and slowing laying in preparation for the cooler months when there?s less work to do and less food around. In the height of the Spring, the Queen can lay up to 2,000 eggs a day. This is more than her own body weight in eggs,? each day! The Queen is always surrounded by a circle of devoted workers who feed her constantly and dispose of her waste. They also collect and distribute her Queenly pheromones throughout the hive, letting all the hive?s residents know that Their Queen is alive and well, and could live as long as four years.
]


Sal

[animal]

LOL ! ... sweet!

[William Bagwell]

On the "serious" side ... As a newbie beekeeper, I've been torturing the wife and daughters with bad bee "jokes" .. bad puns .. anything with "bee", "honey", etc. ... (as per the above example)
Shamefully, I am running out of "ammo" and hoping you all can help...
The worse the better ...

Music and cartoons work? Search Youtube for "I'm a King Bee" Slim Harpo version is pretty good and I see versions by Muddy Waters and the Rolling Stones.

[Michael Bush]

Well, she doesn't keep all the "dooies", just the most recent one.