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Author Topic: NATIONAL FARM RESCUER DAY  (Read 362 times)

Offline Michael Bush

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« on: March 16, 2023, 08:43:51 am »
Why did the pig dump her boyfriend?
Because he was a real BOAR.

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied old John, "There?s my ranch hand who?s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there?s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night."
"That?s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied old rancher John.

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime

Farmer Giles is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.
He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.

A New York City hipster moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.
"That?s a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied.
A week later the hipster was back again. ?I need another 100 chicks,? he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him.
"Yeah,? the hipster replied. ?If I can iron out a few problems."
"Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the hipster, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

What is a farmer?s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?
Born in the USDA.

As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep.
We?d tell them to the dog, but he?s herd them all!

What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn?t fit into the pen?
"There?s more there than meets the sty."

Why did the pig take a bath?
The farmer said "hogwash"!

What?s black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.

Where does a farmer get his medicine from?
The farm-acist.

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
Udder nonsense.

What type of horses only go out at night?

How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.

Why do cows like being told jokes?
Because they like being amoosed.

Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don?t lose much weight, but from a distance, your friends think you look great.

Why did the farmer call his pig ?Ink??
Because it was always running out of the pen.

What is a happy farmer?s favorite candy?
A Jolly Rancher.

What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A neigh-bor!

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.

What is a sheep?s favorite game?

What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?
A transfarmer.

No farm building should ever, under any circumstances, be used as a convent?
Barn nun.

If a cow laughed really hard?
would milk come out of her nose?

Why did the cow jump over the moon?
The farmer had cold hands.

What do farmers use to make crop circles?
A protractor.

Grain farmers have a tough life.
They barley survive from wheat to wheat.

Why can?t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
He has got no beef.

What is a horse?s favorite sport?
Stable tennis!

What new crop did the farmer plant?
Beets me.

Farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet, and just want to read the pepper, turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed!

Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar?
He wanted sweet and sour pork.

Who tells chicken jokes?

What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl with a goat?
A "Hootenanny."

Where do the horses go when they?re sick?
To the horsepital.

Knock, knock.
Who?s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, silly? cows go moo!

Why did the farmer bury his money in a field?
He wanted to make his soil rich.

Why did the farmer plow her field with a steamroller?
Because she wanted to grow mashed potatoes!

What do you call a magic cow?

Where will you find the most cows?
Moo York.

The local horse has an amazing mane.
Maybe she was barn with it, or maybe it?s neighbelline.

I went into the barn and saw the pigs dancing.
They were putting on a performance of Swine Lake.

I used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.

A friend of mine has started making yachts to sell in his barn.
Sails are going through the roof.

What do you call the boss at Old McDonald?s Farm?

Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession?
Every day is a hare-raising experience.

What do you call a small pork farm?
A hamlet.

Saw a sign at a farm that said ?duck, eggs.?
I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.

What do you call a cow with two left legs?
Lean beef.

What did the Idaho farmer plant when he was not sure if he was going to sell the crop?
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