Peanut butter


Michael Bush:
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.

Today is national peanut butter day.
Spread the news.

What do you call a sandwich full of envy?
Peanut butter ?n? jealousy.

My friends came over for band practice.
My dad came downstairs with a jar of peanut butter and said, ?I brought this to go with your jam.?

What happens when you mix crunchy peanut butter and creamy peanut butter?
Crummy peanut butter.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

I was making my daughter a sandwich and asked her what kind she wanted.
?We can do peanut butter with either peach preserves or honey,? I told her.
?Honey, please!?
?That?s fine,? I thought. ?The peach preserves are my jam anyway.?

Peanut butter was driving his toast when suddenly?
There was a jam.

Did you hear about the peanut butter factory that exploded?
The Reese?s was in pieces.

I bet jellyfish are sad?
That there are no peanut butter fish.

I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.
I call it my Reece?s Pieces Thesis.

I?m starting a new line of nut-free peanut butter.
It?s called ?I can?t believe it?s nut butter?.

Knock Knock.
Who?s there?
Peanut who.
Peanut, butter open the door!

Why couldn?t the peanut butter afford a sandwich?
It needed bread.

As an American, I?m surprised by how unpopular cream cheese and peanut butter are in the rest of the world?

I just thought they would have spread more.

What do you get when a dyslexic tries to make a gif?
Peanut butter.

What did the guest say at the peanut butter?s dinner party?
Nice spread.

My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she?s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

What fish tastes best with peanut butter?

What do you get when you leave your lunch in your lunchbox for a few days?
A peanut butter and smelly sandwich.

I got peanut butter on my camera.
Now every picture is a Jif.

What is the easiest way to fit an entire peanut butter sandwich into your mouth?
You jam it.

What do lawyers put on sandwiches?
Plea-nut butter.

What competition do peanuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.

Which sandwich spread makes people itch?
Fleanut butter.

What drink goes with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

What would a Kiwi name a peanut butter sandwich?

I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway.
Just in case there?s a traffic jam.

Why did the door think that it was peanut butter?
Because it was ajar.


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