Welcome, Guest

Author Topic: Iddee, where are you?  (Read 4716 times)

Offline iddee

  • Universal Bee
  • *******
  • Posts: 10853
  • Gender: Male
Re: Iddee, where are you?
« Reply #20 on: October 06, 2017, 08:46:55 pm »
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:

Husband : I've lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.

Sergeant : What is her height ?

Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .

Sergeant : Build?

Husband : Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant : Color of eyes?

Husband : Never noticed.

Sergeant : Color of hair?

Husband : Changes according to season.

Sergeant : What was she wearing?

Husband : Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don't remember exactly.

Sergeant : Did she go in a car?

Husband : Yes.

Sergeant : What kind of car was it?

Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.

At this point the husband started crying.

Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We'll find your car.
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline iddee

  • Universal Bee
  • *******
  • Posts: 10853
  • Gender: Male
Re: Iddee, where are you?
« Reply #21 on: October 06, 2017, 08:52:31 pm »
Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin , Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... Why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline herbhome

  • Field Bee
  • ***
  • Posts: 725
  • Gender: Male
Re: Iddee, where are you?
« Reply #22 on: October 06, 2017, 09:27:10 pm »
Couple of good ones, iddee! :grin:
Neill

Offline BeeMaster2

  • Administrator
  • Universal Bee
  • *******
  • Posts: 13529
  • Gender: Male
Re: Iddee, where are you?
« Reply #23 on: October 07, 2017, 12:28:01 am »
 :cheesy:


 :cheesy:
Democracy is 2 wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote.
Ben Franklin

Offline Dallasbeek

  • Super Bee
  • *****
  • Posts: 2526
  • Gender: Male
Re: Iddee, where are you?
« Reply #24 on: October 07, 2017, 01:04:04 pm »
Thanks, iddee.   :cool:
"Liberty lives in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no laws, no court can save it." - Judge Learned Hand, 1944

Offline Michael Bush

  • Universal Bee
  • *******
  • Posts: 19923
  • Gender: Male
    • bushfarms.com
Re: Iddee, where are you?
« Reply #25 on: October 11, 2017, 09:24:51 am »
>This monument dedicated to buffalo soldiers, the black regiment formed in 1866 that slaughtered Native Americans.  What the hell do we do with this one?

Yes, I know it's a joke, but I'm sure the Native Americans would think they should be honored as brave soldiers.  Even if what they were ordered to do was misguided.  The same as any brave soldier.
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
-------------------
"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin

 

anything