NATIONAL OPPOSITE DAY (Lakota: Anpetu Heyoka)

[Michael Bush]

I spent hours trying to find what the opposite of "night" was.  In the end I just had to call it a day.

The opposite of Microsoft Office is Macrohard Onfire.

What's the opposite of a microwave?  A tsunami.

I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster.  Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.

What's the opposite of a waterfall?  A firefly.

What is the opposite of shot?  Scold.

What is the opposite of Baldwin?  Hair loss.

An Englishman and a Scotsman are on opposite sides of a river.  The Englishman asks "How do I get to the other side?"  The Scotsman yells back "What'r ye talkin' aboot, you're already there!"

What is the opposite of defeat?  De hands.

What is the opposite of a Mormon? An oxymormon.

[Michael Bush]

What is the opposite of truth serum?  Liedocaine.

College is the opposite of kidnapping.  They demand $100,000 or they'll send your kid back.

What is the opposite of dominoes?  Domi doesn't know.

What's the opposite of irony?  Wrinkly.

What is the opposite of sensei?  Nonsensei.