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Author Topic: Chemistry  (Read 410 times)

Online Michael Bush

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Chemistry
« on: December 30, 2022, 12:11:22 pm »
Hydrochloric acid accidentally bumped into ammonia on the street and started fuming.

Hydrofluoric acid went to the art gallery with a briefcase full of etchings.

Thymolphthalein indicated it wasn?t reliable because after a period of high visibility it suddenly disappears.

Bismuth subsalicylate finally arrived at the banquet, much to everyone?s relief.

Sodium bicarbonate helped with the fundraising since it can raise dough.

Sodium hydroxide was blocked on Twitter to prevent the spread of lyes.

Ferric oxide likes the family dog Rusty.

Liquid nitrogen tried to make a new friend but got a chilly reception.

Butane walks into a room and the crowd lights up every time.

Nitrous oxide was invited to a party and soon had everyone chuckling.

Argon was strongly attracted to nitrogen, but recognized its behavior wasn?t ideal.

Trichlorofluoromethane was labeled a radical initiator in the current climate.

Sodium chloride was horrified after witnessing salted peanuts being devoured at the meeting.

Barium sulfate walked into a restaurant but was informed they didn?t serve barium meals.

Copper sulfate needed comforting because it was feeling rather blue.

Osmium lost the trivia contest with other metals because it was too dense.

Tungsten carbide was seen hanging around outside a London restroom.

Silicon dioxide?s favorite British pop singer from the 60s is Sandie Shaw.

Sucrose is always popular because it?s just as sweet as can be.

Teflon attempted to teach a class of students, but nothing would stick.

Indigo saw a pair of old faded jeans and wanted to just dye.

Urea is always complaining it?s going to waste.

Lose an electron?
Gotta keep an ion it.

Gold is the best element because it's AU-some.

I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically.

What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o Acid

Why can you never trust an atom?
They make up literally everything.

Want to hear a Potassium joke?
K!

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!

Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Na

My chemistry experiment exploded.
It's ok, oxidants happen

I wish I was adenine.
Then I could get paired with U.

What should do you do with a dead Chemist?
Barium!

What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon.

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!

I think that angry flask completely overreacted.

What element derives from a Norse god?
Thorium.

Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded

I can't remember that element, but it's on the tip of my tungsten.

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI

The proton is not speaking to the other proton, he's mad atom.

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.

What did silver say to gold at the bar? "Au, get outta here!"

Make like a proton and stay positive.

If you're not part of the solution?you're part of the precipitate.

What emotional disorder does a gas chromatography suffer from?
Separation anxiety.

What do you call a clown in jail?
A Silicon!

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!

What is a chemist's favorite holiday song?
Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!

If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed!

Question at interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate), Answer: double time.

I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon that one!

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs.
"For you, no charge."

Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.

What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That's a salt!

Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.

Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy's base!

What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gasses here." Helium doesn't react.

Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates!

What's a chemistry teacher's favorite thing to teach about? Ammonia, because it's pretty basic stuff.

Chemists are so happy in the lab because they're in their element.

Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything!

If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they'd be alloys.

What do the other elements say about hydrogen?
He's such a loner!

What is HIJKLMNO?
Water. (H2O)

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms?
A ferrous wheel.

He He He. (Helium Helium Helium)

What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table?
?but I realized I wasn?t quite in my element.

Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY.

Want to hear a joke about sodium, bromine, and oxygen?
NaBrO.

If H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, what is H2O4?
Drinking, bathing, and lots of other daily activities.

How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.

What?s a chemist?s favorite type of dog?
A Laboratory retriever.

What?s Iron Man?s favorite amusement park ride?
The ferrous wheel.

What is Cole?s Law?
Thinly sliced cabbage.

What is the chemical formula for ?coffee??
CoFe2

What is the chemical formula for ?banana??
BaNa2

What is the most important rule in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon!

Anions aren?t negative, they?re just misunderstood.

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. ?Oh Bunsen, my flame,? the sodium pined. ?I melt whenever I see you,? The Bunsen burner replied, ?It?s just a phase you?re going through.?

Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: ?Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!? The husband replied, ?Calm down, honey. We?ll find a solution.?

I would tell another chemistry joke?
?but all the good ones Argon.
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Offline William Bagwell

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Re: Chemistry
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2022, 07:15:58 pm »
"What is Cole?s Law?
Thinly sliced cabbage."

You slipped that one in just to see if we were paying attention :wink:

Online Michael Bush

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Re: Chemistry
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2023, 08:01:17 am »
Jean-Paul Sartre walks into a bar and orders a cup of coffee, with no cream. The bartender replies, I'm sorry, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?
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Rene Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender says "Martini?" and Descartes says "I think not!" and poof! He disappears.
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Heisenberg was also sitting at the bar. After Descartes vanished in a puff of smoke, the bartender walked over to him and asked, "Did you see that?" Heisenberg replied, "I can't be certain."
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The bartender then noticed Einstein was there. So he asked him if he could believe what had happened. Einstein replied, "It's all relative."
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Carl Sagan was there. He walked over to him and asked, "Can you believe that all these famous people are here in THIS bar?" Sagan replied, "No. Why, there must be BILLIONS and BILLIONS of bars out there."
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Meanwhile, Gustav Hertz was having such a great time, that he promised to return in the future at a much greater frequency.
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Robert Boyle commented that he thought everyone was under too much pressure to come up with an answer to what was happening.
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Erwin Schrodinger tried to explain that in the absence of an observer, Descartes left but at the same time did not leave.
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Alexander Volta disagreed stating there was a potential difference between his staying or going.
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James Watt had had a bad day and said he had come in just to let off a little steam.
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Charles Darwin was waiting to see what would evolve.
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Thomas Edison stated that he found the whole thing illuminating.
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Andre Ampere helped the bartender ascertain that all the statements were kept current.
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Eli Whitney said, "I believe I will have another gin."
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Sir Isaac Newton pondered the gravity of the situation.
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Robert Goddard said the situation was not rocket science.
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Georg Ohm, though he resisted answering, did provide a tasty treat for the crowd. Everyone loved Ohm's Slaw.
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Max Karl Ernst Ludwig Planck thought it a constant drain of energy to contemplate the disappearance.
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Gaston Plante thought Descartes should be put in a cell for battery.
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William Sturgeon and Joseph Henry made a good gauss at where Descartes had gone.
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Johann Salomo, Christoph Schweigger, and Jacques Arsene d'Arsonval were galvanized into instant action.
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Both Monsieur and Madame Curie thought that Descartes had a radiating personality, even after his disappearance.
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Nicola Tesla re-coiled at the sight.
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Werner Heisenberg, Kurt G?del, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?" G?del replies, "We can't know that because we're inside the joke." Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."
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A German walks into a bar and orders a martini.  The bartender says "Dry?" and the German says, "Nein, just one".
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A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."
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Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says. The Bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a martini?" "Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"
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An infectious disease walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve infectious diseases here." And the infectious disease says, "Well you're not a very good host."
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Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here." And the bacteria says, "But we work here. We're staph."
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
-------------------
"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin

 

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