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Author Topic: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY  (Read 2538 times)

Offline Salvo

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THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« on: June 07, 2024, 02:03:23 pm »

Offline animal

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2024, 01:52:15 pm »
how 'bout these?
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Offline Michael Bush

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2024, 05:34:01 am »
>"The guy who discovered milk..."

I don't think there was any surprise or "discovery" there.  WE are mammals.  I want to know what the guy who first ate a raw oyster was thinking.  Or the guy who thought it was a good idea to pick a cherry, throw away the fruit, burn the seed, grind it up and boil it to make coffee.
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Offline Terri Yaki

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2024, 06:32:32 am »
>"The guy who discovered milk..."

I don't think there was any surprise or "discovery" there.  WE are mammals.  I want to know what the guy who first ate a raw oyster was thinking.  Or the guy who thought it was a good idea to pick a cherry, throw away the fruit, burn the seed, grind it up and boil it to make coffee.
Funny, I ask the same question about the first one to eat a crab. I figure that someone lost a bet or something. Maybe that?s how they settled a dispute over a woman. ?If you can eat this, she?s yours?. :cool:

Offline iddee

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2024, 12:35:33 pm »
Terri, what kind of crab are you talking about? :shocked:
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

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Offline animal

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2024, 12:43:08 pm »
 :shocked: :cheesy:
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Offline The15thMember

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2024, 12:52:08 pm »
>"The guy who discovered milk..."

I don't think there was any surprise or "discovery" there.  WE are mammals.  I want to know what the guy who first ate a raw oyster was thinking.  Or the guy who thought it was a good idea to pick a cherry, throw away the fruit, burn the seed, grind it up and boil it to make coffee.
Funny, I ask the same question about the first one to eat a crab. I figure that someone lost a bet or something. Maybe that?s how they settled a dispute over a woman. ?If you can eat this, she?s yours?. :cool:
My though on that is that people saw animals eating these things.  "If a seagull can eat it, maybe I can too."
I come from under the hill, and under the hills and over the hills my paths led.  And through the air, I am she that walks unseen.

Offline animal

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2024, 01:19:13 pm »
geez ... you guys are thinking too much ... just accept the mental image ... use the farce

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Offline The15thMember

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2024, 01:26:17 pm »
geez ... you guys are thinking too much
That's like saying I'm breathing too much.  :cheesy:  I can't tell you how many times the kids in our family will ask me a this-or-that hypothetical question (like "would you rather . . . ?"), and I'll be unable to answer because I need more information, and they'll go "Reagan, just answer the question, it's not science".  :cheesy:
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Offline Ben Framed

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2024, 01:45:59 pm »
geez ... you guys are thinking too much
That's like saying I'm breathing too much.  :cheesy:  I can't tell you how many times the kids in our family will ask me a this-or-that hypothetical question (like "would you rather . . . ?"), and I'll be unable to answer because I need more information, and they'll go "Reagan, just answer the question, it's not science".  :cheesy:

 :grin:

Offline animal

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2024, 01:48:00 pm »
would that be mental hyperventilation ?
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Offline Ben Framed

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2024, 02:32:15 pm »
I?m with you Reagan. How can we answer a question without a clear understanding of it!  Keep em straight!
:wink: :grin:

Offline animal

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2024, 02:54:32 pm »
nah ... if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS ... preferably with a joke imbedded in the BS that they won't get until later. ideally .. they won't get it until a person you directed them to for further "help" explains it to them. :wink:

Anyway ..relax, use the farce to find the humor ..
or you might turn to the dark side and start seeing stuff like the nun's beeswax, Sam clam's disco, and Mel Famey jokes funny  :shocked:
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Offline The15thMember

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2024, 02:55:46 pm »
would that be mental hyperventilation ?
100%.  I didn't say it was always healthy.  :grin:
I come from under the hill, and under the hills and over the hills my paths led.  And through the air, I am she that walks unseen.

Offline iddee

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2024, 03:01:32 pm »
The answer is, "It depends on what you are thinking about".

The little girl asked mom what virgin means. Mom spends 10 minutes "very embarrassingly," explaining it. The little girl says OK, but what is extra virgin? Mom says, OH! darn, she's talking about olive oil.
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #15 on: June 10, 2024, 03:02:19 pm »
nah ... if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS ... preferably with a joke imbedded in the BS that they won't get until later. ideally .. they won't get it until a person you directed them to for further "help" explains it to them. :wink:

Anyway ..relax, use the farce to find the humor ..
or you might turn to the dark side and start seeing stuff like the nun's beeswax, Sam clam's disco, and Mel Famey jokes funny  :shocked:




Oh; I realize I wasn?t clear! My humble apologies!   :wink: I was speaking to Reagan in regard to the kids in her family:
I wasn?t meaning the kids here.  :shocked:
:wink: :tongue: :grin:

The15thMember
>I can't tell you how many times the kids in our family will ask me a this-or-that hypothetical question (like "would you rather . . . ?"), and I'll be unable to answer because I need more information, and they'll go "Reagan, just answer the question, it's not science".  :cheesy:
« Last Edit: June 10, 2024, 03:14:38 pm by Ben Framed »

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #16 on: June 10, 2024, 03:09:57 pm »
The answer is, "It depends on what you are thinking about".

The little girl asked mom what virgin means. Mom spends 10 minutes "very embarrassingly," explaining it. The little girl says OK, but what is extra virgin? Mom says, OH! darn, she's talking about olive oil.

 :cheesy: :grin:

Offline animal

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #17 on: June 10, 2024, 03:36:10 pm »
The answer is, "It depends on what you are thinking about".

The little girl asked mom what virgin means. Mom spends 10 minutes "very embarrassingly," explaining it. The little girl says OK, but what is extra virgin? Mom says, OH! darn, she's talking about olive oil.
LOL  :cheesy:
extra virgin olive oil hasn't even fooled around with itself?
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Offline Salvo

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #18 on: June 17, 2024, 10:43:48 pm »
Hi Folks,

These three guys were golfing, Moses, Jesus and some other old guy.

Moses steps up, tees off. Whack! Hits a terrible shot! Heads for the pond. Moses runs over, waves his club, water parts. Ball rolls along the bottom, onto the green. Jesus says *Fine shot Moses*.

Jesus steps up.
Thwack! Bad shot. Ball heads for the pond. Ball just sits on the water. Jesus strolls up, walks across the water, stands, chips the ball up onto the green. Moses says *You too Jesus. Fine shot.*

The old guy is just taking this all in. He steps up. Hits the worst shot of the three of them. It goes about forty yards in a great curve. Huge wind gust takes it, pushes the ball all the way into the pond, sinks to the bottom. Big carp comes up, grabs the ball in its mouth, leaps three feet into the air. Starling flies out of the woods, grabs the ball right out of the carp?s mouth, flys 325 yards down the fairway, drops the ball onto the green. Squirrel scurries out of a tree, nudges the ball right into the cup for a hole in one.

Jesus turns to the old guy and says, *Nice shot Dad*.


Offline Michael Bush

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Re: THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
« Reply #19 on: June 18, 2024, 05:20:43 am »
The way I heard it, the Rabbi was golfing on the Sabbath.  Moses says to God, are you going to let him get away with that.  So as the Rabbi swings, God raises his hand.  The ball goes about forty yards in a great curve. Huge wind gust takes it, pushes the ball all the way into the pond, sinks to the bottom. Big carp comes up, grabs the ball in its mouth, leaps three feet into the air. Starling flies out of the woods, grabs the ball right out of the carp's mouth, flies 325 yards down the fairway, drops the ball onto the green. Squirrel scurries out of a tree, nudges the ball right into the cup for a hole in one.  Moses is stunned and says "You call that punishment!?"  God shrugs his shoulders and says "Who's he gonna tell?"
My website:  bushfarms.com/bees.htm en espanol: bushfarms.com/es_bees.htm  auf deutsche: bushfarms.com/de_bees.htm  em portugues:  bushfarms.com/pt_bees.htm
My book:  ThePracticalBeekeeper.com
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"Everything works if you let it."--James "Big Boy" Medlin