RARE DISEASE DAY USA

[Michael Bush]

My doctor told me I had a very rare disease. "What's it called," I asked?
He replied, "What do you want it to be called?"

What do you call a disease with many followers
Influenza

Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it.
Patient: What's the Cure?
Doctor: It's an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but let's try to stay focused...

Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease?
The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!

My veterinarian says my dog has an absolutely adorable disease.
She has a cute pancreatitis.

What's the worst combination of diseases you can have?
Alzheimer's and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, especially when you can't remember why you're running.

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"
I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease."
Bartender: "Get your shots here."

A doctor walked in to see a patient. "I've got good news and bad news."
The patient say, "What's the good news?"
Doctor, "They're going to name a disease after you."

whats the most common disease among communists?
Hammer and sickle cell anemia.

What disease can you catch by eating too many potatoes?
Tuberculosis

I have a skin disease called psoriasis
It really only flares up on my legs and feet and using dandruff shampoo helps clear it up or at least soften it. So I guess you could say I use head and shoulders for my knees and toes.

What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies?
Twobearculosis.

A man with Celiac disease willingly ate an entire loaf of bread.
He was a gluten for punishment.

My dad handed down to me a hereditary disease that causes diarrhea all the time.
It runs in the jeans.

Fred was driving his truck when he got into a wreck with a car.
Fred was driving his truck when he got into a wreck with a car. The car was totaled. Fred was fine.
The next week, Fred was on his motorcycle when a car pulled out in front of him. The car was totaled. Fred was fine.
The next week, Fred was crossing the street when a car hit him. The car was totaled. Fred was fine.
The next week, Fred went to an immunologist and discovered he had an autoimmune disease.

A man tells his doctor "I'm sure I have liver disease".
"That's ridiculous" said the doctor. "You'd never know if you have liver disease, there's no discomfort of any kind".
"Exactly!" says the man "Those are my precise symptoms!"

People say smoking will give you diseases.
What they don't know is that it cures salmon.

Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters?
Because they are filled with anty bodies.

I met someone with Parkinson's disease.
He was great at shaking hands.

Two Diseases
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that you have cancer. You also have Alzheimer's disease.
Patient: Well at least I don't have cancer!

Chiron was not only half man, half horse, but he was also a doctor of medicine.
This makes him the centaur for disease control.

What do you call a gathering of people with skin disease in Ireland.
A Leper-Con

Which disease hypochondriacs are sure that they don't have?
Hypochondria

Woman: Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Looks like you have Parking Sons Disease.

I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.
I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

What is the coolest disease to die from?
Hypothermia

A guy who is sick goes to the doctor
The doctor says you have what we call "Tom Jones disease."
The patient says "Oh my God! I've never heard of that. Is it rare?"
The doctor says "It's not unusual."

A warning to people with kidney disease.
Urine trouble.

What's the best part of having Alzheimer's disease?
You get to meet so many new people.

My next joke is called heart disease.
Statistically 2/3 of you won't get it.