CHUCK NORRIS DAY (83 years old today)

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Michael Bush:
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until they give him the information he wants.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris breathes air ... five times a day.

In the Beginning there was nothing ... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.

Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.

If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, ?Bang!?

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn?t work.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all lethal.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.

Chuck Norris doesn?t try to survive a zombie apocalypse; the zombies try to survive Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris has never cheated death. He always wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris has never had to put gas in his tank. All of his vehicles run on fear.

There is no doubt that Chuck Norris is a true legend.
I know all the above is true

Ben Framed:
>  He stares them down until they give him the information he wants.

>There is no doubt that Chuck Norris is a true legend.
I know all the above is true

Its just a joke and all in fun.  :grin: Sort of like the good humor in your Film Star Paul Hogan, (Mick Dundee). Mick can stare down a water buffalo and it will just kill over.   :wink: :grin:

Paul is 83 also.


Bill Murray:
He must use the total gym also-Need to get me one of those.

Ben Framed:
lol these fellows are doing something right! The "Total Gym" might be the answer! Perhaps I need to get one also!  :wink:

Thanks Bill :-) 



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