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Offline Michael Bush

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« on: February 22, 2023, 10:23:46 am »
     A married man approaches a woman in the supermarket and says: "I've lost my wife in the aisles... Do you mind if we talk for a while?"
     She asks him, "Wouldn't it be better to look for her than to talk to me?"
     And the married man answers her: "But it won't be necessary... every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere...".

     A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
     "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
     "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

     Ever since I became the new produce inspector I've been visiting local grocers and supermarkets; but they're always surprised to see me.
     It seems nobody expects the spinach inquisition

Just had a stack of toilet rolls fall on me in the supermarket
I'm ok though, just soft tissue damage

What would Gandalf have said if The Lord of the Rings played in a supermarket instead of Middle-Earth?
One ring to rule the mall.

I've mastered a way to pick up dates at the supermarket
It's super simple, just head down over to the dried fruits isle...

There was a woman in the supermarket holding a huge multicoloured flag and making loud pigeon sounds.
I told her to mind her peace and coos.

What do you call the supermarket section for young people?
The juvenile

So I was in the supermarket this morning and I had an accident when all the Omega-3 feel on me
I'm ok, the manager assured me my injuries where Super fish oil.

I really want to buy one of those supermarket checkout dividers.
But the lady behind the till keeps putting it back

It's nice to see that my local supermarket is saving energy by raising the temperature of it's freezers.
But "Rocky Road" soup is an acquired taste.

What?s it called when you drop a steak in the supermarket?
Ground beef...

An orange is in a supermarket
The security guard comes over to him and asks "what are you doing?"
The orange replies "nothing, just looking round"

Saw a man at the supermarket today who was saying the most nasty things while walking up and down the aisle, picking different kinds of breakfast-food off the shelves, shouting at the boxes and putting them back again. I asked the manager what his problem was.
Turns out the guy's a cereal offender.

A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.
I don't know how these people can sleep at night.

Do people think you are YOUNG or OLD? The test, fall over in a supermarket.....
If everyone laughs, you are YOUNG.
If people run over to help, you are OLD.

A woman was at the supermarket with her kid and was about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very young. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The people behind her in line gasped at how the lady said she was going to treat her kid. The clerk shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok lady, whatever totes your goat."

A man in the supermarket reminded me of Michael Jackson today.
He said, "Don?t forget about Michael Jackson".

Supermarket cashiers must be really traumatized if they land in the ICU
Beep, beep, beep...
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