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Author Topic: Pizza Jokes  (Read 168 times)

Offline Michael Bush

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Pizza Jokes
« on: February 09, 2023, 10:34:05 am »
I?m going to open a restaurant that only serves crabs and pizza.
I?ll call it the Crust Station.

What are you if can?t decide what kind of pizza to get?
You?re indeSLICEsive.

What do you call a fake pizza?
A pepperphony pizza.

What?s the difference between a good pizza joke and a bad one?
The delivery.

Wood fired pizza?
How?s pizza gonna get a job now?

How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.

What do you call it when a tired dad makes pizza?
Papa Yawns Pizza.

I am a little ambivalent about pizza.
On the upside, it has some great toppings. On the downside, it doesn?t.

Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he?s such a fungi!

Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough.

I like how my local pizza place cuts my pizza into 6 slices instead of 8.
I can?t finish 8 slices.

What did the kid say after eating a frozen pizza?
Well, that wasn?t very thawed out.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other day?
I should have cooked it on aloha temperature.

What did the Dalai Lama say when he walked into a pizza parlor?
He says, ?Make me one with everything.?

What did the pizza say when it went out on a date?
?I never sausage a beautiful face.?

If pizza could talk, what would it say?
Probably lots of cheesy things.

What do you get if you cross 27 knives and a pizza?
Little Caesars.

I fell asleep with a pizza in the oven today.
Burned 2000 calories.

Why did Jabba win the pizza contest?
Because no one outpizzas the Hutt.

What does a pizza wear to smell good?

What?s a poodle?s favorite kind of pizza?

A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.
The man who uncovered it says, ?It?s a pizza of our pasta.?

What do you call a sleeping pizza?

What did the pepperoni say to the cheese?
?Slice to meat you!?

What type of person doesn?t like pizza?
A weir-dough.

I asked the waiter, ?Will my pizza be long??
?No,? he said. ?It?ll be round.?

What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
?You don?t pepper-own me.?

?and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
?Hey now, don?t get saucy.?

Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.

What did the pepperoni say to the chef?
?You wanna pizza me??

What?s the difference between pizza and pizza jokes?
Pizza jokes can?t be topped.

Did you hear about the pizza place on the moon?
Great pizza, but no atmosphere!

What does an anteater like on its pizza?

Why did the man cut his pizza with a smartphone?
It?s cutting edge technology.

To teach my kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner?
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don?t live in a swing state.

Why do restaurants put pizza in square boxes?
Because they don?t cut corners.

What do Homer Simpson and pizza have in common?

What do you call it when someone spreads germs all over the pizza?
Little Sneezers.

What is a pizza?s favorite movie?
Pie Hard.

Every time a new pizza delivery man comes to the door and notices the smell of the last pizza man, they storm off.
It?s an unfortunate Domino effect.

Why didn?t the restaurant finish making the take-out pizza order?
They ran out of thyme.

What did the pastry chef say when the pizza chef asked him for help?
?I cannoli do so much.?

Why do people like making lasagna from scratch at home?
It?s pretty much a pizza cake.

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?
Deep pan, crisp and even.

I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.

I got a new job delivering pizzas.
Nobody really likes liver on pizza anyways.

I saw a line of delivery scooters parked out the front of a pizza place.
Someone bumped into one of them and it topples over, and knocks down the next one, which knocks down the next one, and the next one.
It was the Domino's effect.

How do you get a bass player off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.

I just ordered a Chicago style pizza.
It started shooting as soon I opened the box.

What do you call a pizza in the shape of a cookie?
A pizza

An unconscious pizza maker was admitted to the hospital
They called him John Dough

My girlfriend and I bought a pizza to share and she got mad because I ate half.
Granted, it was the TOP half, but still?

Cinderella got her name from having to clean the cinders from the fireplace. If instead she had to make pizzas, would her name be Mozzerella?

I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business.
They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.

A pizza had a bad dream
It was a night marinara

The difference between a stupid person and a pizza
One is easy to cheat, the other is cheesy to eat.

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?
As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"

     A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. He's negative for COVID, Ebola, Malaria, and pretty much all the recognizable infectious diseases.
     The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
     ?This is your doctor. We?ve got the results back from your battery of tests, and we?ve found you have an extremely nasty and rare virus that is highly contagious and is frequently fatal.?
     ?Oh my gosh,? cries the man. He?s in a panic now. ?What are you going to do, Doctor??
     ?Well, we?re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.?
     ?Will that cure me?? asked the man hopefully.
     The doctor replied, ?No? but it?s the only food we can slide under the door.?

A new company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid he company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - and how much money do you make a week? Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, I make $200.00 a week. Why? The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams ? here?s a week?s pay, now GET OUT and don?t come back! Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here? With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters - That was the Pizza delivery guy.

What's the difference between a Humanities student and a large order of pizzas?
One of them can feed a family.

A pizza got cheated on multiple times
Now it has crust issues.

What do anchovies, pineapples, and dominoes have in common?
They ruin pizza.

A local pizza chain just folded
The new restaurants serve only calzones now.

How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?
Take the pizza sign off the top.

You will always have a pizza my hut.

That?s going to be a pizza cake.

Really, it?s the yeast you can do.

This is the dough-main for all you pizza aficiona-doughs.

I a-dough you!

You can be here today and gone tomato.

Get out there and cheese the day!

You?re a real pizza-work.

I have been trying to write a new pizza joke but I can?t work out the delivery.

My local pizzeria has just made the world?s largest pizza base. I?d like to see someone top that.

Olive you so much.

For pizzake!

Don?t pizza-round the bush.

In pizza we crust.

It?s crust a matter of thyme.

I?m head over yeast for you.
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