A group of retirees meets in a Tel Aviv coffeehouse to discuss the world's many problems. One of them shocks his friends by announcing: "I'm an optimist."
Another asks: "Then why do you look so worried?"
Answer: "You think it's easy to be an optimist?"
The optimist says the glass if half full. The pessimist says it's half empty. The realist says you have half a glass of water. The physicist says you have a full glass that is half water and half air. The Skepticist says, how do I know it's water? The nihilist says there is no glass.
Have I told you about the Russian optimist and the Russian pessimist?
The Russian pessimist says, "Things could not get worse."
The Russian optimist says, " Oh yes they can."
A psychiatrist has one son who is a total pessimist, and another who is a complete optimist. He decides on an experiment. For Christmas he fills the pessimist?s room with hundreds of beautifully wrapped gifts, and dumps a heap of horse manure in the optimist?s room. On Christmas morning he sees the pessimist boy sitting motionless at the center of his room, eyeing his gifts suspiciously. But over in the optimist?s room he sees his boy filled with joy, digging happily in the odorous pile. He asks the kid what he?s doing and he answers: "Daddy, with all this horse dung, there?s gotta be a pony in there someplace.?
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The communist says the glass is too full, and needs to be redistributed among the other glasses.
The pessimist says "The glass is half-empty!"
The Optimist says "The glass is half-full!"
The Proactive person says "Actually, the glass is full. I refilled it while you were arguing. You're welcome."
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The engineer says the glass is over-designed for the quantity of water.
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by morning
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The entrepreneur sees the glass as undervalued by half its potential.
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
Paul Hogan says "That's not a Glass"
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The opportunist just drinks the water!
?I put my application in for the Optimist Club.......but I don?t think I?m going to get accepted.?--Steven Wright
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German?
The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
An optimist believes this is the best of all possible worlds.
A pessimist is afraid he's right.
What did the optimist say in hell?
Well, at least it's a dry heat.
I read an article which said that I could become an optimist in 7 weeks.
I doubt it.
A cannibal ate an optimist once
He couldn't quite keep him down.
Why are all optimists blind?
They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.
What did the optimist say after losing control on the left half of his body?
I'm all-right
In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up
Half to life.
What do you call it when the number 7 is very positive about the future?
Optimist Prime!
Topic: Optimist (Read 631 times)