Nat'l Texas Day

[Michael Bush]

My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."

What did the Texas Coast Guard say to the three captured whales?
Whale, whale, whale

A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.
The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher.
"But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is a check for $900. It is post-dated six years from now."

     A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says: ?Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.?
     Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says: ?We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.?
     The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks: ?And what are those??
     The Aussie, fed up with the bragging, asks with an incredulous look: ?Don?t you have any grasshoppers in Texas??