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Author Topic: It's NATIONAL PHARMACIST DAY  (Read 226 times)

Online Michael Bush

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« on: January 12, 2023, 07:40:04 am »
    A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on notecards. Unfortunately, when he gets up to the podium, he finds, being a doctor, that he just can't read his own handwriting.
    So, he says to the audience, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

  So this guy died and they had his funeral. They roll his casket out to the hearse and start to put it in, but they lose control of it and it starts to roll down the hill. It picks up speed and soon it's flying down Main Street. It keeps flying down the hill until it reaches the bottom and crashes through the front door of a pharmacy, coming to rest on the counter. The casket pops open and the body inside shoots upright and looks at the pharmacist.
  "Hey buddy, you got anything to stop this coffin?"

    A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
    The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, 'I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! They'll throw both of us in jail!' The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'

    A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.
    "What did you do that for?" the man asks.
    "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
    The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

I bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy.
It gave me a good run for my money.

    A pharmacist returns to his shop from lunch to find a man leaning against the wall.
    ?What?s wrong with him?? He asks his assistant.
    ?He came in for some cough syrup,? explains the assistant. ?But I couldn?t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead.?
    ?What!? The pharmacist says, horrified. ?You can?t treat a cough with laxatives!?
    ?Of course you can,? the assistant declares. ?Look at him ? he?s far too scared to cough.?

A duck walks into the pharmacy to purchase chapstick.
And asks the cashier to put it on his bill.

Our local politician just opened a neighborhood pharmacy store.
He is now a piller of the community.

A newborn pony walks into a pharmacy.
He asks the pharmacist, ?Do you have any Cepacol lozenges? I?m a little hoarse.?

Why should you be quiet inside a pharmacy?
You might wake the sleeping pills.

Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.

As a pharmacist who usually writes instruction labels for oral medications?
Most of what I say to patients is ingest.

I can?t believe I failed my drug test today.
Looks like I?ll never be a pharmacist.

Where did the pharmacist turned actor store his measuring equipment?
In the dram-attic.

It?s not easy being a pharmacist?
Sometimes I feel like I?m just going through the Motrins.

Seeing the cars, house and lifestyle of the pharmacy owner, friends and relatives accused him of ill-gotten wealth.

The royal pharmacist wore a tuxedo and dispensed with formalities.

Pharmacists find their work to be very encapsulating.

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy
?I can?t serve you that?
?There you go?.

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, ?Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid??
?You mean aspirin?? asked the pharmacist.
?That?s it! I can never remember that word.?

What do you call a pharmacist who knows nothing about opioids?
An "oxy"moron

Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega 3?
They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.

I asked my Pharmacist for advice on telling a rash joke..
he told me to make it topical.
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