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Author Topic: Today is Arkansas day  (Read 76 times)

Offline Michael Bush

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Today is Arkansas day
« on: January 11, 2023, 08:52:42 am »
An Arkansas State Trooper pulled over a truck on I-40. He said to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver said, "Bout what?"

A teacher asked her students about Arkansas?s official state bird. Johnny raised his hand immediately and said, ?Mosquitoes.?

Which state has the most pirates? Arrrrrrrkansas.

What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and an Arkansas zoo? On the cage in a Yankee zoo, the cage will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin. An Arkansas zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.

An infinite number of Arkansans, in an infinite number of pickup trucks, firing an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs, will produce all the great works of literature. In Braille.

    A woman from Connecticut goes on a business trip to Arkansas...
...and, her meeting over and business concluded, she goes to the hotel bar to enjoy a quiet drink.
    The bartender, hearing her order, says "Yew shore talk purty. Whar did yew go to school?"
    Smiling slightly, the lady says "Yale."
    Bartender draws a deep breath and says "YEW SHORE TALK PURTY. WHAR DID YEW GO TO SCHOOL?"

    Two men are driving through Arkansas when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick.
    The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"
    The cop answers, "You're in Arkansas son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
    The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
    The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
    The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"
    The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."
   The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"
    The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say to your buddy, "I wish that Son-of-a-gun would've tried that crap with me!"

A man in rural Arkansas is brought before a judge for his preliminary hearing.
"What is the charge, counsel?", the judge asks.
"Bigotry, your honor," the prosecutor replies. "This man has three wives."
"You idiot," the judge says. "That ain't bigotry, it's trigonometry."

    Bill & Hillary are on a trip back to Arkansas, they're almost out of gas, so Bill pulls into a service station on the outskirts of town. The attendant runs out of the station to serve them when Hillary realizes it's an old boyfriend from high school.
    She and the attendant chat as he gases up their car and cleans the windows. Then they all say good-bye.
    As Bill pulls the car onto the road, he turns to Hillary and says: "Now aren't you glad you married me and not him? You could've been the wife of a grease monkey!"
    To which Hillary replied: "No Bill. If I would have married him you'd be pumping gas, and he would be the President."

We did a DNA test on our bullfrog from Arkansas?
Surprisingly, it was about 80% French, 15% German, and a tad Pole?

What did Tennessee?
Same thing Arkansas.

    You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man...
Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.
    My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache."
    By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds of ammo would be called "mentally unstable." Just imagine if he lived in Arkansas. He'd just be "Bubba" who's short on ammo.

    At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. ?Just to establish some parameters,? said the professor to the student from Arkansas, ?what is the opposite of joy?? ?Sadness,? said the student. ?And the opposite of depression?? he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. ?Elation,? she said. ?And you sir,? he said to the young man from Texas, ?what about the opposite of woe?? The kid from Arkansas replied, ?Sir, I believe that would be ?giddy up? .?

I came. Arkansas. I conquered.

Arkansas is rem-Ark-able.
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