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Author Topic: Christmas funnies  (Read 2716 times)

Offline BigRog

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Christmas funnies
« on: December 22, 2004, 07:31:37 am »
Q. Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just
like a day at the office?
A. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets
all the credit.
Q. Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous
lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very
posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a
$20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
A. Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
        A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was
concerned that his students might be a little confused about
Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His
birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth
of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So
he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today ?"
        Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." and
Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know!
I know!  He's in our bathroom!!!"
        The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher,
and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a
loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his
wits and asked Robert how he knew this. And Robert said,
"Well... every morning my father gets up, bangs  on the
bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in
        One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa
was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems
everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves
did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa
was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the
reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth
and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the
boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered
the toys. Needless to say Santa wasn't in the best mood.
     Just then the doorbell rang and Santa went to the door
expecting another problem. He opened the door and there was
a little angel with a great big Christmas tree there just to
cheer Santa up.
        The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas
Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree
for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?  Where would you like
me to stick it?"
     Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of
the Christmas tree.
"Lurch my good man,…what did you mean when you said just now that 'You've got better things to do than run my petty little errands'…….?"