Hydrochloric acid accidentally bumped into ammonia on the street and started fuming.
Hydrofluoric acid went to the art gallery with a briefcase full of etchings.
Thymolphthalein indicated it wasn?t reliable because after a period of high visibility it suddenly disappears.
Bismuth subsalicylate finally arrived at the banquet, much to everyone?s relief.
Sodium bicarbonate helped with the fundraising since it can raise dough.
Sodium hydroxide was blocked on Twitter to prevent the spread of lyes.
Ferric oxide likes the family dog Rusty.
Liquid nitrogen tried to make a new friend but got a chilly reception.
Butane walks into a room and the crowd lights up every time.
Nitrous oxide was invited to a party and soon had everyone chuckling.
Argon was strongly attracted to nitrogen, but recognized its behavior wasn?t ideal.
Trichlorofluoromethane was labeled a radical initiator in the current climate.
Sodium chloride was horrified after witnessing salted peanuts being devoured at the meeting.
Barium sulfate walked into a restaurant but was informed they didn?t serve barium meals.
Copper sulfate needed comforting because it was feeling rather blue.
Osmium lost the trivia contest with other metals because it was too dense.
Tungsten carbide was seen hanging around outside a London restroom.
Silicon dioxide?s favorite British pop singer from the 60s is Sandie Shaw.
Sucrose is always popular because it?s just as sweet as can be.
Teflon attempted to teach a class of students, but nothing would stick.
Indigo saw a pair of old faded jeans and wanted to just dye.
Urea is always complaining it?s going to waste.
Lose an electron?
Gotta keep an ion it.
Gold is the best element because it's AU-some.
I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically.
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o Acid
Why can you never trust an atom?
They make up literally everything.
Want to hear a Potassium joke?
K!
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!
Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Na
My chemistry experiment exploded.
It's ok, oxidants happen
I wish I was adenine.
Then I could get paired with U.
What should do you do with a dead Chemist?
Barium!
What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon.
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!
I think that angry flask completely overreacted.
What element derives from a Norse god?
Thorium.
Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded
I can't remember that element, but it's on the tip of my tungsten.
What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI
The proton is not speaking to the other proton, he's mad atom.
What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.
What did silver say to gold at the bar? "Au, get outta here!"
Make like a proton and stay positive.
If you're not part of the solution?you're part of the precipitate.
What emotional disorder does a gas chromatography suffer from?
Separation anxiety.
What do you call a clown in jail?
A Silicon!
Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!
What is a chemist's favorite holiday song?
Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!
If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed!
Question at interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate), Answer: double time.
I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon that one!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs.
"For you, no charge."
Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That's a salt!
Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.
Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy's base!
What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gasses here." Helium doesn't react.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates!
What's a chemistry teacher's favorite thing to teach about? Ammonia, because it's pretty basic stuff.
Chemists are so happy in the lab because they're in their element.
Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything!
If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they'd be alloys.
What do the other elements say about hydrogen?
He's such a loner!
What is HIJKLMNO?
Water. (H2O)
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
He He He. (Helium Helium Helium)
What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.
I tried writing jokes about the periodic table?
?but I realized I wasn?t quite in my element.
Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was CoRnY.
Want to hear a joke about sodium, bromine, and oxygen?
NaBrO.
If H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, what is H2O4?
Drinking, bathing, and lots of other daily activities.
How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
What?s a chemist?s favorite type of dog?
A Laboratory retriever.
What?s Iron Man?s favorite amusement park ride?
The ferrous wheel.
What is Cole?s Law?
Thinly sliced cabbage.
What is the chemical formula for ?coffee??
CoFe2
What is the chemical formula for ?banana??
BaNa2
What is the most important rule in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon!
Anions aren?t negative, they?re just misunderstood.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. ?Oh Bunsen, my flame,? the sodium pined. ?I melt whenever I see you,? The Bunsen burner replied, ?It?s just a phase you?re going through.?
Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: ?Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!? The husband replied, ?Calm down, honey. We?ll find a solution.?
I would tell another chemistry joke?
?but all the good ones Argon.