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Author Topic: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD  (Read 1429 times)

Offline BeeMaster2

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AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« on: February 13, 2016, 04:54:41 am »

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug
Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. I was the guy wearing
the black Burberryjacket that you demanded that I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse
and earrings.  I can only hope that you somehow come across
this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize
for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in
your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The
evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a
reason. My girlfriend was happy that I just returned
safely
from my 2nd tour
Combat   Marine   in Afghanistan. She had just
bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my
birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very
evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon
when pointed at your head, isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't
fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your
pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made
you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That
prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help
mug us again).
After I called your mother
or Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the
entire episode of what you'd done.
Then I went and filled up my
gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station,
on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153
gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a
homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash
in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet
into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb, after
I broke the
windshield and side window
and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in
two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI,
while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI
guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess
while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should
apologize for not killing you, but I feel this type ofretribution
is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime.
I wish you well as you try
to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues,
and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,
and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in
life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good
day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Semper
fi,
Alex
Democracy is 2 wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote.
Ben Franklin

Offline Ted n Ms

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2016, 10:53:38 pm »
luv it
You can't hoot with the owls and soar with eagles!!

Offline Switchback

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2016, 10:12:43 am »
Great one.  :cool:
"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking." J. C. Watts