THESE ARE FROM A BOOK CALLED DISORDER IN THE AMERICAN COURTS, AND ARE THINGS PEOPLE ACTUALLY SAID IN COURT, WORD FOR WORD, TAKEN DOWN AND NOW PUBLISHED BY COURT REPORTERS WHO HAD THE TORMENT OF STAYING CALM WHILE THESE EXCHANGES WERE ACTUALLY TAKING PLACE
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Q: ARE YOU SEXUALLY ACTIVE?
A: NO, I JUST LIE THERE.
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Q: WHAT IS YOUR DATE OF BIRTH?
A: JULY 15TH
Q: WHAT YEAR?
A: EVERY YEAR.
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Q; WHAT GEAR WERE YOU IN AT THE MOMENT OF THE IMPACT?
A: GUCCI SWEATS AND REEBOK.
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Q: THIS MYASTHENIA GRAVIS, DOES IT AFFECT YOUR MEMORY AT ALL?
A: YES.
Q: AND IN WHAT WAYS DOES IT AFFECT YOUR MEMORY?
A: I FORGET.
Q: YOU FORGET? CAN YOU GIVE US AN EXAMPLE OF SOMETHING THAT YOU'VE
FORGOTTEN?
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Q: HOW OLD IS YOU SON, THE ONE LIVING WITH YOU?
A: THIRTY-EIGHT OR THIRTY-FIVE, I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH.
Q: HOW LONG HAS HE LIVED WITH YOU?
A: FORTY-FIVE YEARS.
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Q: WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOUR HUSBAND SAID TO YOU WHEN HE WOKE UP THAT
MORNING
A: HE SAID, "WHERE AM I, CATHY?"
Q: AND WHY DID THAT UPSET YOU?
A: MY NAME IS SUSAN.
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Q: NOW DOCTOR, ISN'T IT TRUE THAT WHEN A PERSON DIES IN HIS SLEEP, HE
DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT IT UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING?
A: DID YOU ACTUALLY PASS THE BAR EXAM?
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Q: THE YOUNGEST SON, THE TWENTY-YEAR-OLD, HOW OLD IS HE?
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Q: SO THE DATE OF CONCEPTION (OF THE BABY) WAS AUGUST 8TH?
A: YES
Q: AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT THAT TIME?
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Q: SHE HAD THREE CHILDREN, RIGHT?
A: YES
Q: HOW MANY WERE BOYS?
A: NONE
Q: WERE THERE ANY GIRLS?
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Q: HOW WAS YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE TERMINATED?
A: BY DEATH
Q: AND BY WHOSE DEATH WAS IT TERMINATED?
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Q: DOCTOR, HOW MANY AUTOPSIES HAVE YOU PERFORMED ON DEAD PEOPLE?
A: ALL MY AUTOPSIES ARE PERFORMED ON DEAD PEOPLE.
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Q: ALL YOUR RESPONSES MUST BE ORAL, OK? WHAT SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO?
A: ORAL.
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Q: DO YOU RECALL THE TIME THAT YOU EXAMINED THE BODY?
A: THE AUTOPSY STARTED AROUND 8:30 P. M.
Q: AND MR. DINNINGTON WAS DEAD AT THE TIME?
A: NO, HE WAS SITTING ON THE TABLE WONDERING WHY I DOING AN AUTOPSY.
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Q: ARE YOU QUALIFIED TO GIVE A URINE SAMPLE?
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Q: DOCTOR, BEFORE YOU PERFORMED THE AUTOPSY, DID YOU CHECK FOR A PULSE?
A: NO
Q: DID YOU CHECK FOR BLOOD PRESSURE?
A: NO
Q: DID YOU CHECK FOR BREATHING?
A: NO
Q: SO, THEN IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THE PATIENT WAS ALIVE WHEN YOU BEGAN THE
AUTOPSY?
A: NO
Q: HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE, DOCTOR?
A: BECAUSE HIS BRAIN WAS SITTING ON MY DESK IN A JAR
Q: BUT, COULD THE PATIENT HAVE STILL BEEN ALIVE NEVERTHELESS?
A: YES, IT IS POSSIBLE THAT HE COULD HAVE BEEN ALIVE AND PRACTICING LAW
SOMEWHERE
Topic: Comic Court Quotes: Try saying that three times fast... (Read 3430 times)