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Author Topic: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂  (Read 25576 times)

salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #120 on: July 23, 2022, 04:42:23 pm »

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #121 on: July 23, 2022, 07:20:53 pm »
😂😁

salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #122 on: July 28, 2022, 01:38:10 am »
Hi Folks,

My wife asked me if I saw the dog bowl.

I didn't even know she could bowl!

Sal

salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #123 on: August 08, 2022, 12:36:18 am »
OK! So a Scotsman comes to New Hampshire to do some skiing.

At the end of the day he heads to the bar where a giant taxidermied moose head hangs above the mantle.

"Gude Laird" says the Scot. "Wotts aht?"

The bartender says "It's a moose."

The Scot says. "If that's a moose, how big are yer cats?"


Offline Ben Framed

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #124 on: August 08, 2022, 01:51:21 am »
Good one Sal!  :grin:

Phillip

salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #125 on: August 22, 2022, 09:19:22 pm »
Hi Folks,

I asked my new girlfriend when her birthday was.

She said March first.

So, I walked around the room and asked her again.

Sal

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #126 on: August 27, 2022, 06:42:29 am »
 :rolleyes: :cheesy:

salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #127 on: October 23, 2022, 06:15:38 pm »
Hi Folks,

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the pub and asks if he could buy him a drink. ?Why of course,? comes the reply.

The first man then asks ?Where are you from?? ?I?m from Ireland,? replies the second man. The first man responds ?You don?t say, I?m from Ireland too! Let?s have another round to Ireland.? ?Naturally,? replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks ?Where in Ireland are you from?? ?Dublin,? comes the reply. ?I can?t believe it,? says the first man. ?I?m from Dublin too! Let?s have another drink to Dublin.? ?Of course,? replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks ?What school did you go to?? ?Saint Mary?s,? replies the second man. ?I graduated in ?67.? ?This is unbelievable!? the first man says. ?I went to Saint Mary?s and also I graduated in ?67!?

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. ?What?s been going on?? he asks the bartender. ?Nothing much,? replies the bartender. ?Just the O?Malley twins are drunk again.?


Sal

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #128 on: October 24, 2022, 07:33:11 am »
 :cheesy: :grin:

salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #129 on: October 28, 2022, 09:39:50 pm »
Hi Folks,

I was in Walmart using the restroom and just as I closed my stall door, a voice from the next stall said, ?Hi! How are you?? Embarrassed... I said, ?I?m all right!!?"

The voice said, "So what are you up to?? I said, ?Ummm... Just trying to handle a little private business over here!?

Then I hear, ?Can I come over?? Annoyed... I said ?Excuse me?!?!." Then the voice said, ?Listen, I will have to call you back, there?s an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!"

Sal

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #130 on: October 31, 2022, 09:58:15 am »
Moved from the main topic to this heading...


A can of peaches"

- After being caught stealing a can of peaches, a lady was in court and before the Judge. 

- The judge ask her, "How many peaches were in that can?"

- She was puzzled and ask the Judge, "How is that relevant?"

- The Judge replied, "Just answer the question."

- She answered, "Yes Sir, 9 your honor Sir'.

- The Judge said, "You are hereby sentenced to 9 days in jail! One day for each peach!"

- The man sitting next to her, without hesitation after hearing the verdict, quickly raised his hand and was therefore
  recognized by the Judge. The Judge asked, "Sir 'who' are you, and do you have something to add?"

- The man replied, "Yes Sir your honor", 
  "I am her husband; I just wanted to inform the court, that she also stole a can of Peas!"
   :shocked: :cheesy: :wink:

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #131 on: June 01, 2024, 01:52:26 am »
Not really a joke, but a short clip with Johnny Carson and Mel Blanc.
Sure to bring a smile.

https://youtube.com/shorts/m-4GbL9SEF0?si=44of9COuTs_XyAco

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #132 on: June 03, 2024, 10:39:14 pm »
 :shocked: :shocked: :shocked: An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.    :cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy:

Offline Salvo

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #133 on: June 03, 2024, 11:52:45 pm »
schadenfreude?

why would one laugh at such pain?

https://www.facebook.com/reel/473058708582090

sal

Offline Terri Yaki

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #134 on: June 04, 2024, 03:17:53 pm »
.

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #135 on: June 04, 2024, 03:25:10 pm »
A guy sitting next to me at the doctors office pulled out a photograph of his wife and turned to me and said, "She's gorgeous isn't she?"
I replied to him "if you think she is gorgeous, you should see my wife!"
He asked, "Why? Is she a stunner too?"
I replied, "She's an optometrist."
Avatar pic by my oldest daughter (ink and watercolor)

Offline Ben Framed

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #136 on: June 04, 2024, 07:20:57 pm »
 :cheesy: :wink:

Offline iddee

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke! 🙂
« Reply #137 on: June 04, 2024, 09:41:05 pm »
Good one
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

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Re: Ok Friends, time for a new clean joke!
« Reply #138 on: June 06, 2024, 10:14:30 pm »
Sam (a Christian) and Joe (an atheist)  are walking in the Sahara, thirsty and tired after their truck broke down. Joe sees a mosque in the distance and tells Sam "let's go there and pretend we are Muslims! They'll feed us and give us water!"
Sam says "I refuse to lie about my faith, it's unchristian." Joe waves it off and they go to the mosque.
The Imam sees Joe enter and Sam stop at the door.  He says "Salam!"
Joe replies with "Salam, I am Muhammad and this is my companion Sam, we were traveling and are in need of refreshment." The Iman exclaims "yes, of course!" and turns to his aide and says "go get Sam there some food and drink."
The Imam turns back to Joe and says "and to you Muhammad, Ramadan Mubarak !"
Avatar pic by my oldest daughter (ink and watercolor)