St Patrick's day

[Michael Bush]

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
Rick-O-Shea.

What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food?
Gaelic breath.

What do you call a huge Irish spider?
A Paddy-long-legs.

The barman says to Paddy, "Your glass is empty; fancy another one?"
Lookin? puzzled, Paddy says, "Why would i be needing two empty glasses?"

Mary says to Paddy "if you were stranded on a desert island, who would you like most to be with you?"
"My uncle Mick" replies Paddy.
"What?s so special about him!?" asks Mary, feeling slighted.
"He?s got a boat," says Paddy.

[Michael Bush]

Why did the leprechaun go outside?
To sit on his paddy-o

What type of bow cannot be tied?
A rainbow

What is a leprechaun?s favorite type of music?
Sham-rock ?n? roll

What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick?s Day?
BOOs

What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick?s Day?
St. O?Claus

Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too far to walk

What do you call a leprechaun with a sore throat?
A streprechaun

What do you call a fake Irish diamond?
A shamrock

When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?
When it?s a French fry

Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick?s Day. Oh, really?
No, O?Reilly!

What's leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.

[animal]

I heard the capitol of Ireland is growing really fast.

I checked ... and found out it's Dublin

[Michael Bush]

Bell Fast is also growing fast, but maybe not Dublin..

[The15thMember]

Hopefully I'm not too late with this bit of info, but here's a pro tip I learned from reading a book of Irish fairy tales that I own, which assured me all the stories in it are entirely factual.  If you ever see a leprechaun, be sure to keep your eyes on him until he tells you where he has hidden his gold, because leprechauns are incapable of running away if someone's eyes are on them. 

I read a story in my book once about a girl who was sitting in near her bee skeps because one was about to swarm, and she wanted to watch where the swarm flew off to so she could try and retrieve it.  She happened to notice a leprechaun in the bushes nearby and told him that he had better tell her where his gold was, and she'd keep him captive with her eyes until he did.  But then her bees swarmed and distracted her and he got away, and when she tried to follow him he was too fast.  She was so focused on the escaping leprechaun that she lost her bees too.  Just wanted to post this in case someone has the opportunity to learn from this young lady's mistakes.