Romantic Advice

[animal]

Ask your wife sweetly and shyly if you can touch her hair.

When she says "yes" ...

gently brush your finger across her top lip.

[Terri Yaki]

Sal, Sal, is that you in animal's clothing? 

[BeeMaster2]

And now we know where you got your name from. 😊😊

[Ben Framed]

Uuuu 

[iddee]

I wonder if he will recover fully, or be crippled for life?

[Terri Yaki]

I wonder if he ever gave her a cast iron frying pan for an anniversary present.

[animal]

Geez, I can tell by the reactions of you guys that this thread is really needed.

A lot of guys just don't understand women. Calling attention to things she thinks are flaws, demonstrates that you accept and find attractive every part of her. She will be greatly appreciative and it will inflame her passions accordingly. You can even expect her to passionately return the favor in kind.

[Terri Yaki]

Geez, I can tell by the reactions of you guys that this thread is really needed.

A lot of guys just don't understand women. Calling attention to things she thinks are flaws, demonstrates that you accept and find attractive every part of her. She will be greatly appreciative and it will inflame her passions accordingly. You can even expect her to passionately return the favor in kind.

Now this is the kind of marital advice I've been needing for such a long time. See...I'm a slow learner and some of this stuff I just need help figuring out. As a return gesture, I recommend you get the love of you life a high quality vacuum cleaner for Valentine's Day. They are very appreciative when you help make her life easier.

[animal]

I wonder if he ever gave her a cast iron frying pan for an anniversary present.

This brings up a great point !

Just like us, women love gifts that are useful. Forget the frivolous stuff. What she really wants are things that help her in her jobs around the house, including keeping you happy. Cookware is great as a gift to build your relationship, but don't forget her other needs.

Sometimes she needs things that are "just for her" so she can do the things she wants to do and that we don't care much about. This is where a new vacuum can show that you realize she sometimes needs a little time alone. Make sure to tell her this when you give it to her.

[animal]

dang Terri, you've got it !

wish I had seen your last response before posting the reply to the frying pan suggestion...

I'd bet you would make a great marriage counselor !

[Ben Framed]

Geez, I can tell by the reactions of you guys that this thread is really needed.

A lot of guys just don't understand women. Calling attention to things she thinks are flaws, demonstrates that you accept and find attractive every part of her. She will be greatly appreciative and it will inflame her passions accordingly. You can even expect her to passionately return the favor in kind.

Now this is the kind of marital advice I've been needing for such a long time. See...I'm a slow learner and some of this stuff I just need help figuring out. As a return gesture, I recommend you get the love of you life a high quality vacuum cleaner for Valentine's Day. They are very appreciative when you help make her life easier.

And this good advise in itself shows what a great contribution to Beemaster Animal has made and is making in the short time he has been here!! Thank you animal! Terri when you conduct this experiment tonight with you wife, be sure to let us know the results of her reaction, That is; if you are able!  lol

[Kathyp]

When you ask your husband if he has checked the generators before the incoming storm and then can't start the thing when the power goes out, the fact that your wife has not killed you and is still speaking to you, does not mean you are out of the dog house.  It means she needs you to repair the frozen pipes in the well house and help carry water to the barn.  Death can come later.

[Terri Yaki]

I have found that they appreciate the effort if you have the kitchen sink filled with warm water for her so she can wash the dishes when she gets home from the hospital.

[animal]

Terri, what great thinking on your part! You truly went above and beyond the call there, especially considering the stress you must have been under while your dishwasher was broken. Glad the hospital was able to fix her for you.


Kathy ...
Au contraire. It should not wait! It sounds like a little death is an immediate need.
Male forgetfulness can be caused by low blood sugar or stress and can usually be remedied by a good sandwich or a romp in the sheets. Since testing for the specific condition can add more stress, it's best to provide both for your husband...  as much and as often as possible.

Another possibility is a subconscious block stemming from the desire to spend some romantic candlelight time with you, as well as recapture the joy of the struggles of youth with you. Coincidentally (and happily), subconscious blocks can almost always be cured with la petite mort and sandwiches. Chances are, the poor fellow needs help now.

[Terri Yaki]

I found that it is much appreciated if you have complete tire changing instructions, complete with pictures, affixed to the underside of the trunk lid for when they call in a flat tire.

[Kathyp]

Another possibility is a subconscious block stemming from the desire to spend some romantic candlelight time with you, as well as recapture the joy of the struggles of youth with you.

I suspect it had more to do with football games.   

[Ben Framed]

I don?t know the man Kathy, (your husband), but I suspect you are right. No doubt you know him, probably better than anyone else.
On behave of him and all mankind; Thank you for not killing him!  And thank you for accepting him just as he is in this case (without one plea)!
May you continue to remind yourself of his good qualities in times like this!

[Michael Bush]

The more useless a gift is the more romantic.  Even better if it is perishable like flowers.

[animal]

Out of the blue, take it upon yourself to do some chore that she often does.

When she thanks you,

Just say, "somebody had to do it"

She'll immediately realize that you know she's been doing it all along, and that you appreciate all the times she did it in the past.

[Terri Yaki]

I don't know if this is the right place to ask this but...why is it when I mow the grass, it's ok for me to hear all about that one weed that got missed but if I point out the cobwebs on the nightlight, it's a capital offense?

[animal]

Often, it's all in how you broach the subject. Its a man's job to take care of unwanted critters , after all.

Simply explain that you sometimes leave a weed standing to warn her where you saw a snake.

Also, rather than pointing out something she missed, tell her you killed the spiders so now "she can do her job". No further details are needed. She knows what she missed.
If she acts a little confused, she's just playing a little game so say, "you know what you missed". She'll appreciate your cleverness when you see through her playfulness.

[Ben Framed]

Simply explain that you sometimes leave a weed standing to warn her where you saw a snake.

Now that is funny! I like your approach of view of the matter! I busted out laughing when I read that line! 

[animal]

Women love to feel powerful (they're cute that way, like a little kitten all bowed up and trying to hiss, but I digress).

Anyway, when that special time comes, mention how werewolves are also tied to a 28 day cycle and how fearsome they are.

You can also add another dimension to the discussion by mentioning the origin of the word "lunacy".

[salvo]

Hi Fooks,


Saul

[animal]

Men, if you're finding it hard to satisfy your wife, calling in a professional with (shall we say specialized skills?) will often help.

I have well over 30 years experience personally and can call in additional professionals if needed. Bragging aside, I have nearly a 100 percent success rate. While not cheap, you'll find my prices reasonable, and satisfaction is always guaranteed.

So why not opt for the sure way to make your wife happy and give me a call ? ....
And have your Kitchen and bathrooms remodeled today !

[Terri Yaki]

Aye carumba!

[animal]

Dunno if that violated the advertising policy of the site or not, but was just being honest....

In a lifelong quest to learn how to satisfy a woman ... the best I've found, within my abilities anyway, is remodel the kitchen. 

[Terri Yaki]

I find that letting them shovel the driveway when it snows relaxes them.

[salvo]

Terri! OMG! Sam Ting!

Too little snow for the snow blower? I'll drive over it. Wife says: *Hakina Matata. I'll go get it. I'm hot anyway*.

Plenty of snow? *I'll just get in front of the doors and the garage (26 foot wide), enough so you can maneuver*.

She actually picked out her own shovels years ago. Silicone spray for sticky stuff. *Leave 'em out in the cold, and DRY!*

It's the little things that count and keep us together. That and the fact that after about two months of marriage she was driving by and CAUGHT me TALKING to an old GF. She ran me over with her car, got out and screamed at me, wounded and bleeding under the car. *If you ever do something like that again,... I'll scald you to death when you're sleeping!*

Gotta love a passionate woman like that.

Sal

[animal]

Yo Sal !
My wife is different, LOL
 
Back before wife and I got married, we went to a party some friends of mine were throwing. I wasn't gonna go because I was a little afraid future wifey wouldn't fit in. Lotsa bikers, some somewhat rough around the edges types, and a few that were all rough edges. In short, good fun people. She was like "no, we're gonna go. I'm not going to have you give up your friends over me." What a saint, right?

Anyway, great party out in the county, 150 or so people, lotsa loud Harleys, a few hotrods, a few kegs, innumerable bottles, loud music, fireworks, guns , explosives, occasional partial nudity, other entertainment best not mentioned, you probably get the picture.

So, future wifey hit it off with one of my friend's wives that didn't really approve of the whole thing either .. and made a friend. I went mingling while they were talking girl stuff and at one point got cornered by a biker chick that apparently took a liking to me.
Among other things, she was full of double entendre and had a huge dill pickle in her hand, not exactly eating it but I won't go into that. Mostly I just pretended I didn't understand what she was getting at and was trying my best to get away. She was rather persistent so it seemed like forever before I finally got away from the sticky creature, saw my future wife, and made a bee line to the safety of her company.

She and her friend were laughing their butts off. Come to find out, her friend had seen the girl talking to me and "warned" her that one of the biker chicks was after "her man". My wife's reaction was "Cool. I'm bored and this ought to be fun." Her friend was expecting confrontation and putting the chick in her place .... but NO ! .... she takes a position where she could watch the whole thing. Friend says something like "aren't you gonna do something?" She says "nope, this'll be better."
 
So the whole time they were laughing at me trying to squirm away and at biker chick's antics getting shot down.

It's nice that she trusts me, but dang ! she was enjoying me suffer ! 

And said that I deserved it for taking her to the party !

SHE was the one that insisted on going ! 

[animal]

If your wife doesn't appreciate toilet humor, don't try to win her over to it by sending her the meme of Jeffery Dahmer dumping his boyfriend.

The effort will fail in a most spectacular way.

I know this sounds odd, but experience doesn't lie.